Untold fold

I have been thinking about the first time I looked at you. I didn’t know that behind that beauty, there is a color that would change my life for good. You got me by the deepest emotions, made me taste the heavens on earth and later on pulled me in. you were so good that even saying better or best is a shame. I showed you the way of love and you gave me too much love. I gave you thousands of reason to stay away but you gave me a thousand more to have my soul.
The love you made me culture, made me get more from you and when I did, the stranger it felt. You became a power, a pleasure, a pain and an addiction that I cant deny. You made me taste the harshness of weather, the challenges of the wind and still remain strong. In doubts and demons of love I underwent with you, NO voice need to tell me that you were the one.
I thought that staying away from you was the best ideas there is. I sacrificed our love for your success. I knew I wasn’t right but I had no choice. It was your career and our love. I had to make a choice and a promise not knowing that promises are not what keeps the flame of our love forever young.
I made you meet people who I have hurt. Now you got all the wrong information about me and there is nothing wrong about them. Its part of what I expected. I needed you not to see me as I am, but to see me as the person I am when I was not with you. Am sure by now you have noted the difference. You gave my life a once with one of a kind and when I let you in, you shook my heart and soul.
Feeling like a child with one sole intention, to search for an answer that defies all comprehension of winning you over. But what have come across so far is no where near the answer I seek. I guess there is a pure emotion that not even words can touch and if it does the power of expressing it is silence.
It hurts to know that this is my last letter to you and I will now let you live your life and walk it alone cause am now certain that the negative part and side that you saw in me has now made you the lady you are.
Love has become a teacher. It has taught me that along the way, love will make you give up and sacrifice, that the person you love is safe and well. And I do love my choice. I wont admit that I don’t feel the pain as deep as it is but I wont deny the light your love brought me.

A letter to Faith

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into hopes. I wish I never looked back, wish I never kept in touched with your spirit. I wish I could stop loving you this much because I am only hoping that the wounds heal, but it never does. I am in war with love.

We are back to the beginning, where it all started. It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet. Just because we can’t feel it doesn’t mean that we have to forget. The only thing that comes is a post-traumatic stress, where body armour, sheilds and bullet proof vest don’t properly work. The pain becomes too real.

Here I am, trying to write myself a rifle of words, may be sharpening up a heartfelt message expressing my feelings and could be getting some clarity. I can’t tell how you will interprate it but I hope you do it as if you were in my shoes. I know it sounds selfish but it’s the only way.

I am happy and greatful that at some point in life I was your light. I stood by you when you had no hopes of your career and you made a choice on what you want to be. Look at you now: strong, smart and ever full of life. I wish I had someone to be with me now…I am please to have heard a voice that used to chase my sanity away and captivate me throught the resonating light of your eyes. You are my Lagniappe.

The last two letters will come later on in life. I just hope you won’t change your mail. If it never comes it will be in the hands of the public some day and then you will know what I did become and what I did ever done. ‘My tugen lady’.

Have never let a wound ruin me, even a cut, but I now feel like the wounds are wooing me. The scars don’t look like they are going any where. Believe me have gone to and extend of fighting it with tanks and drones of my loneliness but seems to be out smarted.

I am at the point of breaking and it’s impossible to shake it.this pain is just too real.commondante##out